Self-Defeat: A Sure Path to Life of Mediocrity

The man who doubts himself is twice defeated in the race of life, as he has placed a barrier on the height he can attain in life. Doubt is the opposite of faith. It kills initiatives and prevents one from living out one’s dream. Self-defeat is indeed a sure path to a life of mediocrity.

Many a man has lost out in the race of life all because of doubt. They defeat themselves ever before they embark on a worthwhile endeavour. I have always believed that God created us for a just cause. There is a purpose for our existence on this planet. Besides, I also know that just as no man is superior to the other, no one is equally inferior to the other. In fact, all animals are equal. Forget George Orwell’s view in Animal Farm that “all animals are equal but some are more equal than the others”. I see that as a mere creation of man to give room for superiority of one person to the other. The truth of the matter is that no one is superior to the other!

But as much as I believe that we are all created equal – black or white, male or female, able or disable – many of us still face life with a self-defeatist approach. We give up easily on issues that could have turned our lives round. We allow doubt to tether us down to mediocrity level. Where we are supposed to soar like the eagle, we behave like chickens. Perhaps this story will make you understand what I am saying better.

I ran into a friend recently at the Department of English, Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, Nigeria, who was recently recruited as an assistant lecturer. He took me through what happened at their interview. But what struck me most in his account was how another friend of ours who came for the same interview screamed when he sighted him. 

According to my lecturer friend, he gave up before the result came out. It was not a surprise when he rounded off his story that the guy was not given the appointment. The reason for his failure? Self-defeat!

This friend is not alone in this game of self-defeat. So many people have actually been victims of this. One thing I know is that life is a game. And like any other game, you win some and lose some. Even when you lose there are still lessons to learn. Why then do you have to defeat yourself before you begin at all? The more you defeat yourself before you begin, the more you will keep on living a mediocre life. So, to shore up your confidence, you must believe in yourself. There is no other person like you. There is actually something in you that the whole world is awaiting. Start that project today, tomorrow may be too late. Remember, when you defeat yourself before you start at all you may end up a mediocrity in life.

Your Wealth is in Your Passion

Everything a man needs to be wealthy is in his passion. What he needs to move from point zero to point hero is all within his reach. But man seems oblivious of his precious possessions that are before his eyes, while he is busy with a search for what is not lost. 

Usually, several factors are responsible for the search for what is not lost. The factors range from societal conventions, peer influence to fix-it-quick mentality, among others. For instance, societal conventions have placed some professions such as medicine, law, engineering, etc. above others. So many people tend to believe that their licence to wealth is to study any of these courses. As good as the courses may be in terms of lucrativeness, they  are not sufficient to make one wealthy. After all, there are poor doctors, lawyers and engineers in the society. Professions do not make people rich or wealthy. It is what one makes out of a profession that determines where one will stand in the society, not necessarily because one is into a particular profession.

Others have equally missed it in life because of peer influence. The expression that association can make or mar one is very true when viewed against how many people join the bandwagon to choose what they do in life. Many that would have made it effortlessly in some professions are into other ones where they remain strugglers, not achievers. But for a chance encounter with one Samuel James Akpomiemie, the Assistant Head Boy of my alma mater, Fatima College, Ikire, between 1990 and 1991, I could have ended up in a profession I am not cut out for.

It will interest you to note that I was a vibrant member of the Press Club and the Literary and Debating Society of my secondary school. My gift of the garb made me a cult-hero of sorts in my school and its environs. I represented the school at so many competitions and won several laurels. But when we were to choose subjects, the school counsellor put me in science class, not because I wanted it but based on brilliance in science-related subjects. What I had passion for took the back seat. Like it happened to me so it did to my classmates. I struggled all through. Although the school still considered me to be one of its best students, the reality became apparent when the West African Examination Council released our results. I bungled Physics! This devastated me. It was while I was brooding over what had happened that I ran into my Guardian Angel whose advice put me back on the right track. Today, I do what I do effortlessly and people still pay me for it.

Let me say here that despite the fact that I do what I do effortlessly a lot of preparations still go into it. People with “fix-it-quick” mentality will end up as imitators rather than originators. Even when one knows what to do one needs to still work at it until it becomes a second nature..

Societal conventions, peer influence and fix-it-quick mentality will not bring you wealth and happiness, but struggle and sorrow. What will bring one joy lies in what one has, not in what one does not have. So what do you have? What is your gift? What do you have passion for? This is where your wealth is, not in any societal convention, not in blindly copying what your peers are doing  and above all, not in trying to fix it quickly. Enduring wealth comes from what you have passion for, and it requires patience and perseverance.

The Power of an Open Mind

An open mind is a theatre of opportunities. A man with an open mind listens with rapt attention, observes with an eagle eye and asks the right questions at the right time. He is not afraid of change. Rather, he responds to change and exploits it to his advantage. A man with a closed mind, on the other hand, tends to see difficulties, not opportunities. He becomes transmogrified to a “Pharisee” or a “Sadducee”, who only becomes enamoured by what is beyond his reach or only sees sad situations around him.

In 2005, shortly after the birth of my second child, we had some financial challenges as a family. We were living in Lagos, the commercial nerve centre of Nigeria. The situation was so challenging that we had to move out of a three bedroom flat to a room and a parlour. It was as if the end had come as everything we touched was not working out. At this point we sought the face of God through prayer. We had a strong conviction after the prayer to relocate outside Lagos. To where? We were not sure. To prove to us that God is not a man that would lie, an offer came my way from a far, but a remote town called Ede in Osun State, Nigeria. When I told my siblings and in-laws about it, they were like “never!” How could you leave Lagos for Ede? Impossible! They tried to talk my wife and I out of our relocation plans. But when we stood our ground that location is not limitation, they concluded that we were embarking on a journey to nowhere. They saw us as crazy people! Although the pressure from friends, kith and kin almost got to us at a point, we ended up leaving Lagos for Ede with a mattress, few clothes and some kitchen utensils. Most importantly, we left Lagos with hope of a better tomorrow.

We were in Ede as secondary school teachers only for seven months. But with an open mind we were able to learn some tips about farming from our neighbour. Above all, with a salary of less than $100 a month we were able to procure a plot of land before we left the town. From Ede we moved to Ile-Ife also as teachers. After a while in Ile-Ife, I joined a Federal Government establishment. At the moment we are on a mission of turning a jungle into a beehive of business activities. We believe strongly in God that this environment deserted as a result of internecine war shall be turned to a paradise sooner than expected. We have consistently maintained an open mind to everything since we left Lagos. No doubt, the result has been phenomenally rewarding.

The remarkable thing about our relocation from Lagos to Osun State, an agrarian region in Nigeria is that we are no longer strugglers, but achievers. We left Lagos with just a single mattress, but today we live in our own house and also an employer of labour. Those who thought we were mad then now see sanity in our activities. Trials, challenges and difficulties are part and parcel of life. It is thus not how many times we fall that matters but how many times we are able to rise above challenges. To turn challenges to chances one needs to be open-minded. To see opportunities in difficulties, one needs an open mind that is not afraid of taking calculated risks.

Entrepreneurship…It’s about more action and less talk

It is much-talked about, but it is less-acted upon. Most people, if not all, desire to create or run one business or the other. Many people inwardly covet proffering solutions to the problems around them. They know they can do this via an entrepreneurial venture; but the will to travel through this much-talked about road is missing! No one achieves what is not begun. You cannot finish a race you refuse to start. It is not in talking about it; it is by taking a decisive action.

About 4 months ago, I read about the lucrative opportunities in quail farming. For like 2 weeks after reading about the opportunities, I was talking excitedly about it. Before I knew what was going on people started asking me how they could get quail eggs to buy. I had no clue how or where they could get the eggs. I was only a paper entrepreneur – all talk, no action! It was at this point that I realised results only yield to concrete actions on your ideas, not by talking about the ideas. This realisation jolted me into action. I got few day old quails, nurtured them to maturity and today we do not only supply quail eggs but also help people to set up quail farms.

The kernel of this gist is: An entrepreneur that will succeed must do less of talking and more of action. It is not in your talking, but in your action that your celebration is. So, I recommend you take a cup of MALT today – More Action, Less Talk. See you at the top!

The Path to Success Is Not Linear

There is a story behind every glory. It is only in the dictionary that success comes before work; it is only because ‘s’ comes before ‘w’. Success does not happen overnight.  There are bumps, potholes and even gullies on the path to success. More often than not, it is the glory we celebrate, forgetting that there is usually a story behind the celebrated glory. In this piece, I have decided to share 5 fascinating stories behind the glories of some successes with you. Enjoy the following stories and pick up the inherent lessons:

1.      J.K. Rowling came up with the idea for the Harry Potter series on a train - Rowling was 25 years old when she came up with the idea for Harry Potter during a delayed four-hour train ride in 1990.

started writing the first book that evening, but it took her years to actually finish it. While working as a secretary for the London office of Amnesty International, Rowling was fired for daydreaming too much about Harry Potter, and her severance check would help her focus on writing for the next few years.

During these years, she got married, had a daughter, got divorced, and was diagnosed with clinical depression before finally finishing the book in 1995. It was published in 1997.

2.      Warren Buffett worked as an investment salesman in Omaha - In his early 20s, Buffett worked as an investment salesman for Buffett-Falk & Co. in Omaha before moving to New York to be a securities analyst at age 26. During that year, he started Buffett Partnership, Ltd., an investment partnership in Omaha.

New York just wasn't for him, Buffett told NBC. "In some places it's easy to lose perspective. But I think it's very easy to keep perspective in a place like Omaha."

3.      Ursula Burns started out as an intern, but worked her way up at Xerox throughout her 20s - Burns overcame a tough upbringing in a New York City housing project to get a degree in mechanical engineering from the Polytechnic Institute of NYU and then a master's from Columbia University.

Since then she's been a Xerox lifer. She started as an intern at age 22 in 1980 and joined full time a year later after getting her master's. She rose rapidly through the ranks, working in various product development roles and was named CEO in 2009.

"When I came to work at Xerox, I just chose to work. Somebody said 'how about this?' And I said OK, and I would go do that in the lab," Burns said in an interview for the PBS documentary, "Makers." "Then somebody said how about doing some business planning. Then I started leaning more towards larger global systems problems. And systems problems are the business."

4.      Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook was cash positive for the first time and hit 300 million users: Zuckerberg had been hard at work on Facebook for five years by the time he hit age 25. In that year — 2009 — the company turned cash positive for the first time and hit 300 million users. He was excited at the time, but said it was just the start, writing on Facebook that "the way we think about this is that we're just getting started on our goal of connecting everyone." The next year, he was named "Person of the Year" by Time magazine.

5.      Richard Branson had it tough at the beginning: At age 20, Branson opened his first record shop, then a studio at 22, and launched the label at 23. By 30, his company was international.

Those early years were tough, he told Entrepreneur: "I remember them vividly. It's far more difficult being a small-business owner starting a business than it is for me with thousands of people working for us and 400 companies. Building a business from scratch is 24 hours, 7 days a week, divorces. It's difficult to hold your family life together; it's bloody hard work and only one word really matters — and that's surviving."

How to Overcome Wishful Thinking

“I want to be the richest man in Africa”, John soliloquised. John (not a real name) is a jobless graduate. He graduated 5 years ago from the university and ever since he left the four walls of the university, he has been surviving on friends and family. He has no concrete means of livelihood. Each day he wakes up he roams the streets by arguing on issues that have no direct link to his life. Whenever he is advised to do some jobs, he is often quick to let people know such jobs are below his status. ‘What status?’ I often wonder.  Yet, he desires to be the richest man in Africa!

There is no alternative to hard work. If one does not work one is not supposed to eat. Success does not respond to wishful thinking. It gravitates towards specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound (SMART) goals backed with hard work. Many people, like John, often mistake wishful thinking for goal setting. For instance, John wants to be the richest man in Africa. The questions to ask will then be: When will he be the richest man in Africa? What kind of business does he do at the moment? How does he intend to go about realising the lofty dream? A man has no job and yet wants to be the richest man in Africa. This beats any sane person’s imagination! This is nothing but a wishful thinking. You do not be through wishes; you can only be by doing. And the doing must be clearly defined and focused. Every object, like Isaac Newton put it, will continue to be in a position of rest unless an external force is applied. The external force is whosoever desires progress. It is you. For if it is going to be, it is up to you. If John must be the richest man in Africa, it is up to him. He has to change his way of thinking. He needs re-orientation. It is not through wishful thinking that success is achieved. He must move from wishful thinking to concrete goal-setting. How then does one overcome wishful thinking?

1

Set a SMART goal ( a goal that is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound)

2.      Make it plain on a tablet, i.e. write it down so that you can run with it.

3.      Design a roadmap to achieve the goal.

4.      Work hard towards achieving it. There is no other way except work. Work, work and work.

5.      After work, pray without ceasing. God will only bless the works of your hand, not what you have refused to do.

Life Gives You What You Ask of Life

In January 2013, I was at a petrol station (gas station as the Americans will say) to refill the fuel tank of my car. As the petrol attendant was refilling the tank of my car, I heard a voice. The voice was so distinct and mellifluous that I could not ignore it. “Could you please give me N50?” (Fifty naira is a Nigerian currency) I looked towards the left and right to ascertain the direction where the voice emanated from. I asked the petrol attendant if she had said anything. She answered in the negative. At that point, I carefully searched for the owner of the voice. After some time, the voice repeated what it initially said “Could you please give me N50?” This time I knew where it came from. It was the voice of a demented woman that sat very close to the entrance of the petrol station. I was shocked, to say the least, because of the impeccable Queen’s English spoken by the mad woman!

Meanwhile before the mad woman asked me for a token of N50, one of the petrol attendants had asked me for a tip. I asked the petrol attendant to tell me how much she wanted. Her response: “Give me anything”. I juxtaposed the response of the petrol attendant with that of the mad woman. And I began to wonder how an insane person could be specific about her demand, while a sane person was asking for anything. While I gave the mad woman what she asked for, I used my discretion to offer to the petrol attendant what I thought she deserved. I wanted to give her more, but since she asked for anything I gave her what I considered to be anything!

What am I driving at? Life will only give you what you ask of life. If you ask for nothing you will get nothing in return. If you demand for little, little will be your lot. And if you bargain for what is big you will surely get what you have bargained for. Life is not fair and it will never be fair. Everything we need to survive in this world is available in abundance. The challenge is that we think scarcity and so we get scarcity. Those who think abundance get abundance in return. I am sure if the mad woman had asked me for more than N50, I could have given it to her. She knew what she wanted and she went for it. While the supposedly sane petrol attendant did not know what she wanted from me. She wanted anything and she got anything.

Many of us are like the petrol attendant; we do not know what we want from life. When you don’t know what you want from life then life offers you anything – good, bad or ugly. It is like a case of someone who does not know where he is going to; any way will do for such a person. He who does not know his worth will be paid anything. Do you know your worth? How much are you worth? What value have you placed on yourself? Life gives out whatever you demand of it. Ask for what you are worth and you will get it. There is enough for everyone. It is not humility that makes you place less value on yourself; it is limited thinking. Place higher value on yourself, work at justifying this higher value and life will handsomely reward you. Remember, life only gives you what you ask of life. See you at the top!

A Tale of Three Teachers

In my over 3 decades of existence on the surface of the earth I have had the opportunity to interact with three different teachers. I have been impacted one way or the other by all of them.  My experience in life has made me to tag two of them as ‘rich teachers’, while the other one a ‘poor teacher’.

In 1984 I lost my father to the icy hands of death. He died at a tender age! Despite the fact that he died young, he achieved so much. He actually became a director in one of the Agencies of the Federal Republic of Nigeria at 38. This is not a mean feat! I work 9-5 with an Agency of government today and I know it is not easy. My father was the breadwinner of the family. He was our all-in-all. When death called, events in our family took a downward trend. My mother was a petty trader with just a First Leaving School Certificate! Things got so bad that we could hardly have a meal per day. Despite the downturn, she did not give in. The situation brought out the best in her.

One event that qualifies her as one of my rich teachers happened in December, 1984. During the festive period, everybody was preparing for how to make the period a memorable one. People were buying new clothes, chickens, goats, rice and all sorts of things. We became crestfallen and dejected because we knew nothing of such would happen in our homestead. But my mother shocked my siblings and me. She invited a tailor to our house to come and take our measurements. At first, we thought she wanted to do ‘April Fool’ for us, but this was December. We reluctantly allowed the tailor to take our measurements. After the tailor left, we enquired for where and how our mother got the money to buy a new cloth. She further amazed us with her response “I took out some of my old wrappers and loosened them.” From this singular event, she taught me to always turn problems into opportunities. Instead of brooding over any situation, she taught me to think out of the box and make the best of the situation. With the simple solution she proffered to a hitherto big challenge in our eyes, we had a swell time at Christmas as we wore something ‘new’. My mother was a rich teacher; she taught me by example. She introduced me to “Problem-Solving 101”.

The second teacher I had an encounter with was a poor teacher. He taught me how to play the school game, without any recourse to the reality in my society. He taught me how to cram facts and give him back the same facts in the exam hall. He judges me based on my ability to return those facts to him. He uses all sorts of superlatives to praise my performances – Good, Very Good, Excellent and so on. In fairness to him, I played this game very well as I always stood out. But what I have experienced after leaving the four walls of the classroom has shown to me that there is a gap between what my poor teacher taught me and the reality in my environment. The facts I crammed in school are useless unless they are applied to solve problems and add value. Following the example of my poor teacher has given me a huge ego and enhanced my status. At least, I can speak jaw-breaking vocabulary!

I have however not just been all about big words and egoistic lettered person.  The turning point in my life came when I encountered my third teacher in 2007. This is a man that is qualified to be called ‘my super rich teacher’. He took over from where my mother and my poor teacher stopped. The first thing he told me was that “To survive in the race of life, you must know how to combine aptitude with attitude”. He said “Your aptitude can open doors of opportunities for you, but you can only maximise such opportunities with the right attitude”. I reflected over the first lesson he taught me and discovered that I had not fared well in this area.

It would interest you to know that I met my third teacher 6 years after leaving the university. Within the space of 6 years I had worked in almost 10 organisations. I would take the appointment and once something got me irritated I would resign. This happened on so many occasions to me, but I learnt my lesson in a bitter way later. I had resigned from a place of work with the hope of getting another one immediately. How wrong I was! I was in the labour market for 6 months without anything tangible to do. During this period, my wife became the breadwinner! At this point, I knew I had got it all wrong. I did all sorts of menial jobs to bring back my pride. After some time, I got another decent job. One lesson that I learnt from this unfortunate episode was never to rely on one’s aptitude alone in life. I thought my brilliance would always give me jobs. But I later discovered that the world is peopled with so many brilliant people who work like elephants but eat like ants. After this reflection, I went back to my super rich teacher to say thank you because he was right.