How to Overcome Wishful Thinking

“I want to be the richest man in Africa”, John soliloquised. John (not a real name) is a jobless graduate. He graduated 5 years ago from the university and ever since he left the four walls of the university, he has been surviving on friends and family. He has no concrete means of livelihood. Each day he wakes up he roams the streets by arguing on issues that have no direct link to his life. Whenever he is advised to do some jobs, he is often quick to let people know such jobs are below his status. ‘What status?’ I often wonder.  Yet, he desires to be the richest man in Africa!

There is no alternative to hard work. If one does not work one is not supposed to eat. Success does not respond to wishful thinking. It gravitates towards specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound (SMART) goals backed with hard work. Many people, like John, often mistake wishful thinking for goal setting. For instance, John wants to be the richest man in Africa. The questions to ask will then be: When will he be the richest man in Africa? What kind of business does he do at the moment? How does he intend to go about realising the lofty dream? A man has no job and yet wants to be the richest man in Africa. This beats any sane person’s imagination! This is nothing but a wishful thinking. You do not be through wishes; you can only be by doing. And the doing must be clearly defined and focused. Every object, like Isaac Newton put it, will continue to be in a position of rest unless an external force is applied. The external force is whosoever desires progress. It is you. For if it is going to be, it is up to you. If John must be the richest man in Africa, it is up to him. He has to change his way of thinking. He needs re-orientation. It is not through wishful thinking that success is achieved. He must move from wishful thinking to concrete goal-setting. How then does one overcome wishful thinking?

1

Set a SMART goal ( a goal that is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound)

2.      Make it plain on a tablet, i.e. write it down so that you can run with it.

3.      Design a roadmap to achieve the goal.

4.      Work hard towards achieving it. There is no other way except work. Work, work and work.

5.      After work, pray without ceasing. God will only bless the works of your hand, not what you have refused to do.

Life Gives You What You Ask of Life

In January 2013, I was at a petrol station (gas station as the Americans will say) to refill the fuel tank of my car. As the petrol attendant was refilling the tank of my car, I heard a voice. The voice was so distinct and mellifluous that I could not ignore it. “Could you please give me N50?” (Fifty naira is a Nigerian currency) I looked towards the left and right to ascertain the direction where the voice emanated from. I asked the petrol attendant if she had said anything. She answered in the negative. At that point, I carefully searched for the owner of the voice. After some time, the voice repeated what it initially said “Could you please give me N50?” This time I knew where it came from. It was the voice of a demented woman that sat very close to the entrance of the petrol station. I was shocked, to say the least, because of the impeccable Queen’s English spoken by the mad woman!

Meanwhile before the mad woman asked me for a token of N50, one of the petrol attendants had asked me for a tip. I asked the petrol attendant to tell me how much she wanted. Her response: “Give me anything”. I juxtaposed the response of the petrol attendant with that of the mad woman. And I began to wonder how an insane person could be specific about her demand, while a sane person was asking for anything. While I gave the mad woman what she asked for, I used my discretion to offer to the petrol attendant what I thought she deserved. I wanted to give her more, but since she asked for anything I gave her what I considered to be anything!

What am I driving at? Life will only give you what you ask of life. If you ask for nothing you will get nothing in return. If you demand for little, little will be your lot. And if you bargain for what is big you will surely get what you have bargained for. Life is not fair and it will never be fair. Everything we need to survive in this world is available in abundance. The challenge is that we think scarcity and so we get scarcity. Those who think abundance get abundance in return. I am sure if the mad woman had asked me for more than N50, I could have given it to her. She knew what she wanted and she went for it. While the supposedly sane petrol attendant did not know what she wanted from me. She wanted anything and she got anything.

Many of us are like the petrol attendant; we do not know what we want from life. When you don’t know what you want from life then life offers you anything – good, bad or ugly. It is like a case of someone who does not know where he is going to; any way will do for such a person. He who does not know his worth will be paid anything. Do you know your worth? How much are you worth? What value have you placed on yourself? Life gives out whatever you demand of it. Ask for what you are worth and you will get it. There is enough for everyone. It is not humility that makes you place less value on yourself; it is limited thinking. Place higher value on yourself, work at justifying this higher value and life will handsomely reward you. Remember, life only gives you what you ask of life. See you at the top!

A Tale of Three Teachers

In my over 3 decades of existence on the surface of the earth I have had the opportunity to interact with three different teachers. I have been impacted one way or the other by all of them.  My experience in life has made me to tag two of them as ‘rich teachers’, while the other one a ‘poor teacher’.

In 1984 I lost my father to the icy hands of death. He died at a tender age! Despite the fact that he died young, he achieved so much. He actually became a director in one of the Agencies of the Federal Republic of Nigeria at 38. This is not a mean feat! I work 9-5 with an Agency of government today and I know it is not easy. My father was the breadwinner of the family. He was our all-in-all. When death called, events in our family took a downward trend. My mother was a petty trader with just a First Leaving School Certificate! Things got so bad that we could hardly have a meal per day. Despite the downturn, she did not give in. The situation brought out the best in her.

One event that qualifies her as one of my rich teachers happened in December, 1984. During the festive period, everybody was preparing for how to make the period a memorable one. People were buying new clothes, chickens, goats, rice and all sorts of things. We became crestfallen and dejected because we knew nothing of such would happen in our homestead. But my mother shocked my siblings and me. She invited a tailor to our house to come and take our measurements. At first, we thought she wanted to do ‘April Fool’ for us, but this was December. We reluctantly allowed the tailor to take our measurements. After the tailor left, we enquired for where and how our mother got the money to buy a new cloth. She further amazed us with her response “I took out some of my old wrappers and loosened them.” From this singular event, she taught me to always turn problems into opportunities. Instead of brooding over any situation, she taught me to think out of the box and make the best of the situation. With the simple solution she proffered to a hitherto big challenge in our eyes, we had a swell time at Christmas as we wore something ‘new’. My mother was a rich teacher; she taught me by example. She introduced me to “Problem-Solving 101”.

The second teacher I had an encounter with was a poor teacher. He taught me how to play the school game, without any recourse to the reality in my society. He taught me how to cram facts and give him back the same facts in the exam hall. He judges me based on my ability to return those facts to him. He uses all sorts of superlatives to praise my performances – Good, Very Good, Excellent and so on. In fairness to him, I played this game very well as I always stood out. But what I have experienced after leaving the four walls of the classroom has shown to me that there is a gap between what my poor teacher taught me and the reality in my environment. The facts I crammed in school are useless unless they are applied to solve problems and add value. Following the example of my poor teacher has given me a huge ego and enhanced my status. At least, I can speak jaw-breaking vocabulary!

I have however not just been all about big words and egoistic lettered person.  The turning point in my life came when I encountered my third teacher in 2007. This is a man that is qualified to be called ‘my super rich teacher’. He took over from where my mother and my poor teacher stopped. The first thing he told me was that “To survive in the race of life, you must know how to combine aptitude with attitude”. He said “Your aptitude can open doors of opportunities for you, but you can only maximise such opportunities with the right attitude”. I reflected over the first lesson he taught me and discovered that I had not fared well in this area.

It would interest you to know that I met my third teacher 6 years after leaving the university. Within the space of 6 years I had worked in almost 10 organisations. I would take the appointment and once something got me irritated I would resign. This happened on so many occasions to me, but I learnt my lesson in a bitter way later. I had resigned from a place of work with the hope of getting another one immediately. How wrong I was! I was in the labour market for 6 months without anything tangible to do. During this period, my wife became the breadwinner! At this point, I knew I had got it all wrong. I did all sorts of menial jobs to bring back my pride. After some time, I got another decent job. One lesson that I learnt from this unfortunate episode was never to rely on one’s aptitude alone in life. I thought my brilliance would always give me jobs. But I later discovered that the world is peopled with so many brilliant people who work like elephants but eat like ants. After this reflection, I went back to my super rich teacher to say thank you because he was right.